Kirk Spuhler is not unlike Bono

The Blog has been a huge success. I've been receiving many complements. I've had over 250 hits in the few short weeks that it's been up. I have even had IP's from that have come from South America. Chile, even, where the majority of the people do not even speak English. Para mí amigos latino, tú tienes mi amor. In fact, there is only one man, Maddox, who rivals me in wit and power of the pen. His website can be found here.

But let's all be honest. I have not updated in quite some time. If I had a quarter for how many times people have begged me for a new blog I would have exactly $8.50. Let it be known: your futile tempts are to no avail. I do what I want, whenever I want. Since it is after Memorial Day, I, not unlike the corporate executives', have Christmas on the Brain. Now whenever someone promises me wealth beyond my wildest dreams or sexual fantasies no one has yet imagined in return for a new blog I can think of only one thing. When Oliver Twist goes up to get more soup and the man (forgive me, I do not know his name) says "More?! I'll give you some more!"

What I am trying to say is that don't fight the hand that feeds. I am the patriarch god damnit and you, ladies and gentleman, need to respect that fact. My grandmother has told me often that patience is a virtue. Just sit tight and wait for the right time. You wouldn't call up Jim Tressel in the middle of July and say "Hey, get your boys out on the field!"

That being said, let's get to it. My better half Rachel James said to me that I need to make my blog "More Personal." So here it goes.

I have a yellow lab. Her name is Bitty. She is getting almost seven years old and has lived in our house since she was a puppy. She is the cutest thing in the world, but her one fault is that she digs in the trash and pulls out the garbage. So often times I throw things (ie. paper towels, napkins and tissues) in the toilet instead of putting them in the waste basket. One such occurrence happened a few days ago. I had a runny nose, and so I blew into a tissue, and thew it in the toilet and away she went. About ten minutes later I was reading once more and I felt the rumbling that my bladder does to say "Hey, I gotta go." So I went back to the bathroom to relieve myself. While I was standing there, it occurred to me just how much water I had wasted. I just flushed the toilet when I didn't even need to. I am not one hundred percent certain, but I believe that my house was built in 1993. This means that I wasted almost four gallons of water in this instance alone.

It's strange writing it down, but then my mind jumped to the children in Africa. I just stood there in all my indecency thinking of all the people who had not even seen that much clean water in their lives, and here I was in Jackson, Ohio just throwing it away.

My main goal for this blog is for people to enjoy it. There is no greater pleasure for me than to have people laugh at my jokes. I think, however, that there comes a time for everyone to be serious. It is my firm belief that we live in the greatest place in the world. Because of this, I think it is also our duty to try to raise the standard. So I'd like to challenge you. What have you done today to make the place we live better? I cannot answer for you, but I have a feeling that an honest response would be "nothing."

This is not me joking. This is me not being funny. In all honesty, let's do something to help someone else.