In this life, I have not asked for much.

Forward: To satisfy my own conscious, I just wanted to let you all know that I had half of a very long, and possibly funny post written up just moments before, however, in light of recent events I've decided to postpone the publishing of such blog, and I've decided to tell you all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down. And I liked to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air. or, something...

It was around ten thirty at night. I was doing what I do best by writing a blog that I know millions of people would read. I was fantasizing about how I would be the object of thousands of conversations the next day. When, all of a sudden, my stomach seemed to turn on itself. With a roar that could rival that of Mufasa my stomach told me "It's time for a late night snack."

I made my way downstairs. I rummaged through the refrigerator, but to no avail. I then shifted my attention to the freezer, for the idea of a frozen delectable made my heart jump with glee. Again, I found nothing, except a frozen Chinese food meal that would take upwards of two hours to make, and also...fish. Yuck. I should have taken this as an omen, but so great was my call to eat that I had to find something. So I opened up the cupboard.

Now, I feel that the cupboard is to a storage apparatus of food as Kia is to car makers, kind of, but not really. If a food is not in need of refrigeration, or is not designed to last for up to fifty years and/or withstand a nuclear fallout, I don't want to put it in my mouth. Things like bread and apples make me sick. But, I was feeling brave, or starved. I tore off the door, and moved quickly past the canned soups, apple sauce, and what I estimated to be a thousand pounds of nesquick and stumbled upon something fantastic: Hormel Compleats.

In math class I have learned that
X+Y=A
where X is a microwave meal
Y is that it is ten o'clock at night
And A is awesome
What's more, the picture depicted mounds of chicken covered in rice, and peas. I came for the chicken, but I stayed for the peas. I popped that baby into the microwave and zapped that S.O.B for 90 seconds.

Excited, I pulled 'er out of the microwave and removed the cover. I shoved my spoon into the mix which was slightly more soupy than what was promised to me on the box. I slowly brought the steaming mash of food to my face and cleaned my spoon. The sensation tasted somewhat like this:

A bucket of nails
Something, I knew was wrong. I started to make a mental check list of every processed food I should be experiencing. Chicken? Check. Rice? Check. Peas? No. I sat there, in awe. I searched through the little plastic bowl and I saw zero peas. I chuckled to myself considering the situation. How unlucky I was. Of every single microwavable meal produced by the Hormel company I had one that made it through with out any peas.

You are saying to yourself that "There is no way that can happen." This is because you know that the meals are processed in huge bins and then they are divided up into the smaller portions. However, my rebuttal: You are wrong. Although it is very unlikely it is possible. Just like if everyone in the whole entire world was flipping quarters, eventually someone would get exactly 5346 heads in a row.

So, I was sitting there, thinking that this was not tasting good, nor was it healthy for me, but because of my own inertia I kept chomping and chomping away at the mixture. Damn you, Isaac Newton. I finished and threw my things away. I went to bed and I was considering how many people had eaten peas tonight. My last thought before I drifted off to sleep was that Communism no longer seemed like such a bad idea.

A Notable Fascist

Usually my ideas just come to me. "That is the wonderful thing about the mind," my good friend (who ironically is aspiring to be a professor of neurology)said to me recently, "It's crazy how an organ can come up with coherent and original thoughts. Thoughts that no other brain has." I guess my brain is more...coherent if you will, than others. I seem to be able to pump out these babies pretty quickly.

Anyway, I wish I could accredit this post entirely to myself. However, this, I regret to inform you, is not the case. You have this man to blame: While searching for a new pair of shoes, I visited a Journey's store. I, myself have never paid more than 25 dollars for a pair of shoes. (Mind you, I have received more expensive shoes as gifts.) and that being said I reasonably deduced that someone would never buy a pair of shoes that the MSRP was more than 25 bucks. However, it has recently come to my attention that people not only pay double that amount, but often four times the amount I shell out for my footwear.

Please, do not stop there. While questing for shoes worthy of being worn by me, I practically tripped over what I mistook for Styrofoam cups- crocs. These things have got to be the biggest joke in the world. People offer up to the executive powers of America 35 dollars for the opportunity to wear these puppies. Apparently they all did not receive notice and everyone is under the impression that these little guys look good.

Seeking justification for their nobel cause, I made my way to the Croc's website. As soon as I entered what I saw disgusted me. I immediately lost any ability to maintain any of my bodily functions that retain liquids or solids. It was very difficult for me to do so, however, I was able to narrow down why I hate this website so much:

The very first thing that caught my eye was the fact that the corporate executives at the Croc's Factory feel that it is a fitting title to have different 'styles' I have for your enjoyment, and to make my heart feel a little bit better, two of the women's style shoes.

Now, I ask you, is there any man alive willing, or even who is able to differentiate between the two of these shoes? I, as the rest of you am only able to see one difference: the fact that the shoe to the left has a strap, and the shoe to the right does not. If two cars are made exactly the same, save that one has a sun roof, and the other does not, does that make them different models? No. We, as Americans need to stop taking all of this advertising bull-crap, and start deciding for ourselves what we do, and do not like.The conclusion ladies and gentlemen. To me, it's sickening how much money people will pay for these over-sized packing peanuts. So, I've decided to come up with an enumeration (that is, for all of you whose repertoire is not as large as mine, list) of things for you to do that would be more deserving of 35 dollars patronage.

1) Take your old-fashioned rubber-made sneakers and go buy yourself not one, not two, not three, but four movie tickets. Or take a date and see two movies.

2) It seems that I am not the only one who hates these things. While conducting research for my blog, I came across this website. What's better, there is a link there to go to an I hate crocs store. For only half the price of the ugly things you may purchase an I hate Crocs t-shirt. And with the other half of the money you saved by not buying crocs, treat yourself to an I hate Crocs toat bag.

3) That's really all I had for the list, in fact, the only reason I made a list was to give myself a chance to show off the word "enumeration".

If' you'd like a fun video, please go here.

The Problem with Convenience

I enjoy listening to records. In fact, I am listening to the Doors' "Absolutely Live!" as I type. My not-so-personal-friend Thom York said something along the lines of "People listen to cd's while they are busy, people listen to records because they enjoy music." I feel this to be true.
Often I have sat in the recently-renovated halls of Jackson High School and heard the saying "Check out how many songs I have on my iPod." Every time someone says this, I truly believe that there is a little kitten somewhere in the world whose heart stops.

The fact is, Jonathan Ive, you are in possession of my highest respects. The sheer genius behind the iPod is nothing short of scary. However, your iMania has turned a large part of the adolescent population of America into iDiots. My war lies not in the fact that children have MP3s, not even that they have music on their iPod. To me, however, the fashion of which music is acquired and distributed. Every time I think of someone downloading music off of limewire I have visions of USA and the USSR in their Nuclear Arms Race. Okay, so maybe the iCraze isn't that dramatic, however, no one can deny the fact that there is a certain competitive aspect to the sacred ritual.

Rockwisdom.com reports that the average teenager listens to about four hours of music a day (In retrospect, teenagers play three hours of video games a day, and receive about six hours of sleep each night.) For the sake of argument, let's assume that an average song is 4 minutes long, and the average iPod-er has 2000 songs. Doing the math, a person can listen through their entire collection in about 32 days. That is, assuming that the listener listens to a song only once in a "rotation." I cannot speak for the rest of you, but once a month-not unlike Oprah Winfery-just doesn't 'do it' for me.

I walked into Mr. Airhart's English class, and I was met with a comment I found very amusing, "Yeah, and I saw Brand New on MTV. They are sold out now." Thank you John C, for this is what inspired me to create my blog spot. My initial reaction to this was Well, can you blame a group of males for trying to further their career and more importantly to them, make more money? However, upon further soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that we have but ourselves to blame. I have found no evidence, however, I am certain of it that the powers that be inside of the Music Television Network monitor the number of hits that bands such as Brand New and Me Without You receive. My theory: new bands are put on MTV because they sell. The most wonderful thing about music is that it is whatever you make it, and because of that, new and more exciting things have to be found every so often to renew the public's interest. So what do they look for? Obviously, what is most popular at the time. The Buggles were wrong. The Video did not kill the Radio star. The Radio star is still defining the Video. If not, the Backstreet Boys would still be ruling the continent.

"If you don't want your bands to be sell out, don't listen to music that sucks," a good friend of mine recently offered to one of his peers. Here is something, though, I think you can take more to heart: Cherish your music more than you do. Don't take it for granted, and don't download the music just because you can. Music is something that can define you. That being said, how do you want to be remembered?